Welcome to La Grande Opening de Chez Ogrez:
THE RESTAURANT at The End of the Dungeon!

So, Bratty GM! There you are, crouched before your gaming-table, purring, preening and making with that self-satisfied, Cheshire-like grin, as your beleaguered Adventuring Party cowers pitifully before you, licking its wounds and whimpering piteously. Bereft of HP, g.p., and dignity, they are thankful for having barely survived the imminent TPK you had diabolically prepared. We, The Proprietors and staff at Chez Ogrez, have witnessed your Party’s abject humiliation at your capably sadistic hands! We have seen their suffering, smelt their fear, heard their cries, tasted their pain, and… We salute you! This sort of thing really gets our CE on! Bravo! Well-played, O Bratty One!

Clearly, your Party must be an exceptional bunch of “mazzos” to eagerly put up with this crap from you on a weekly basis. (We ruled out “irretrievably stupid” because Party has survived long enough to average member Rank above Level III.) Do they not deserve an appropriately-inappropriate reward? A “mostly-harmless” little dungeon-based romp to amaze, amuse, and confound their senses — practically guaranteed not to kill all but the most lame-o dweebs, and with potential for moderately malicious mirth at your Party’s expense? Of course they do! And You, O Omniscient, Omnipotent One, are just the guy to make it happen!

All you need do is to gift the Party leader with the automagic Chez Ogrez Reservation Card. This wallet-sized, single-use, attractively decorated piece of contraband ivory is their ticket to a world of fine dining at the only SMASHelin $$$$$ establishment in the known world of Ki. The Card may only be invoked when seating is available. Side-effects upon the Party will be transitory, provided they mind their manners and behave themselves. Survivors will be rewarded, commensurate with the obscene cost of their meals.

Warning: The after-dinner wafer-thin-mints are NOT to be eaten!

Chez Ogrez

Chezmasthead Lahriha